Personnel File
I was orphaned as a tiny infant.
My early years were spent growing up in Smallville, Illinois, where I was raised by my adoptive parents John and Martha. Growing up in the light of a yellow sun, however, my parents soon discovered the amazing talents I could summon while still a small child and wisely instilled in me a strong moral obligation to use these powers to help people all over the world. As an adolescent, I began to understand the unique position fate had bestowed upon me and decided to devote my life to fighting for truth and justice.
Since my father’s business took him all over the world, I often accompanied him to the major cities of Europe and eventually became fluent in French and German. Partly due to this natural gift for languages, I enrolled at Eton when I was 13 although my brief career could accurately be described as undistinguished and an unfortunate incident lead to my being expelled. I was subsequently enrolled in Fittes and after getting myself back on a straight and narrow path, excelled both academically and as the school’s lightweight boxing champion.
My college years found me attending school in Switzerland at the University of Geneva where I soon devoted myself to the finer pursuits life has to offer. Still, I managed to attract the attention of the local Secret Service operative and entered the Ministry of Defence with a rank of lieutenant. After several successful undercover operations—including a harrowing fight with a foreign codebreaker on the 36th floor of the RCA building at Rockefeller Center—I was promoted to the rank of commander and soon became eligible for the elite Double-0 division.
The frenetic pace, the need for absolute secrecy, and an
appetite for high living took their toll, however, and I left the Service
to indulge a long-time dream of sailing around the world. Before I could
set sail, however, I was kidnapped and taken to a remote seaside resort
by operatives of unknown allegiance bent only on extracting whatever
knowledge they believed I possessed. For what ends, I can only speculate,
but regardless, I refused to capitulate. Not willing to accept my fate as
a permanent residence of the community, I worked on escape plans in secret
and kept my guard up at all times, even when thwarting my captors' attempts
to extract information from my fellow villagers.
During one of my early efforts, I tried to determine my whereabouts and worked under cover of night to built a triquetrum—an ancient star-sighting device of Greek origin that would allow me to ascertain my latitude and longitude—but it was to no avail. My attempts were foiled by a fellow agent I mistakenly thought I could trust, leaving me even more uncertain of my location and less confident that I could trust any of my former collegues. After many other unsuccessful escape attempts and struggles to protect my fellow prisoners from our captors, I found myself pitted against Number 2 in one, last desperate battle of intellect during which I literally willed my opponent to death. Having failed to break me and learn of the reason for my resignation, I was granted one wish. I chose to meet Number 1.
During that chaotic struggle and the pandemonium that followed, I discovered that loyalties are fleeting and the majority simply wish to be lead. Given a choice to lead or simply go, I chose to preserve my own peace of mind and take my leave. After returning home, however, I found that I had no desire to travel the world any further, but also had no talent for retirement. In fact, that deeply-instilled sense of obligation aroused in me a taste for solving seemingly dead-end murder investigations and other related crimes of the heart.
More often then not, I've taken no money for my troubles. I guess at heart I'm just a simple romantic. Some would say a throwback to a much simpler time when it was always possible to tell the difference between good and evil; black and white when there were no shades of gray. You see, for reasons I can't even fathom, I hear voices crying in the night for help and find myself compelled to set things right. You don’t make a dime that way, though. I guess I just have a desire to restore a small bit of humanity into a hard, superficial world. Should you find yourself in need of such assistance, I can be found most nights at The Sands.
What, you mean you've read this far and are just a bit skeptical? Okay, then click here for the real story. Honest.